Riding The Tank

Rode over to my folk's lake place, a short 8.5 miles from my house, to open it up for the season, turn the water and propane on, etc. I rode my official commuter bike. (If I didn't work from home, I'd actually have somewhere to commute to!) I used my Giant OCR and put some 700x28 inverted tread tires on it and some SPD pedals. (Thanks for the pedals Flatman!) Put on my rear rack and a trunk bag, and I'm set to go just about anywhere! I plan to ride this bike to the grocery store, swim practice and misc. errands. Having a bike that I'm not afraid to lock up and leave will hopefully motivate me to get in a few more miles every week.

But today, I had the bike bag loaded down with all the tools I thought I might need, shoes and a pair of shorts. It was a windy ride with one set of particularly hard gusts that just about sent me flying. The road to the lake is rollers through wheat fields with a mile long section of gravel road. It was challenging and tiring for being such a short ride, but I persisted and never lost my focus.

I weighed the bike when I got home, loaded down with tools. 34 pounds! Man, I'm gonna be Strong if I keep this up!!

Training Totals - Week Ending 4/29/06

Since my on-line work out log has the week ending on Saturday, for simplicity's sake, so shall I.

Swim - 2 days - 800 & 1000 meters - 1.12 miles

Bike - 2 days - 2hrs 15mins - 31.91 miles

Run - 4 days - 12.92 miles

Core - 4 days - 500 situps

Strength - 0 days

Rest - 1 day

Would like to have gotten in another swim and a longer bike, but life got in the way. Did do a swim/ run brick this week. Enjoyable.

Clarity and Focus

The work was done and it was time for a bike ride. The day had been a nice one... the warmest of the year so far at 63 degrees, and a mostly blue, sunny sky. Very summer like.

I almost didn't go. As nice as it was, there was a breeze... more like a medium wind. I hate wind! I know, I'm such a light weight! But, other than that, the day was a perfect one. I had missed my morning run, so that doubled my motivation. Plus, new duds to wear! Off I went.

I rode into a headwind. My average speed was about 14 mph. Man, do I SUCK!! My quads were burning, I was spinning, and still averaging 14 mph. Thoughts of doubt invaded my mind. How could I ever be a decent triathlete if I couldn't even ride my bike faster than 14mph? This multisport thing was turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I am such a LOSER! Why can I not do this???

I got my answer in the form of a grinding sound coming from my back wheel. Upon closer inspection, I found that my brake caliper had shifted and had been rubbing HARD on the rim for the past 5 miles! Grit had finally caused enough noise to catch my attention.

Issue fixed, I proceeded on my way and averaged 17mph for the rest of the ride. Now THAT I'LL TAKE!! Much better! Yea!

I was thinking about a recent Zencast, a podcast about Buddhism, I had listened to. The message was this: If you allow doubt to enter your mind, it will cloud your vision. It very difficult to achieve your goals when your mind is full of doubt. Clarity and focus often brings success.

Now, the most important part of the ride came when deciding how far to go and where to turn around and head for home. Then I saw "the hill". Yes, that would be my turn-around... not at the hill... but at the top of the hill. If Iron Wil could be tough enough to ride in the wind, up the hills and get blown into a ditch, then so would I! (Hopefully with the exception of being blown over.)

Clarity and focus got me up to the top, and beyond a ways, where I turned for home.

Bring on the wind! Bring on the hills! What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger... and I'm alive and kicking!

Daily Stuff

Today was a pretty darn good day, all in all. The worst of it was first thing this morning when I took my dad in to the Doctor. He recently had a proceedure to (hopefully) kill the cancer cells in his prostate. Yes that cancer word again. She's Such A Bitch! Being a healthy guy his whole life, he hasn't had an easy time with it all. He now has an infection which requires him to be back on a cathater. He is Not a happy camper.

Things got markedly better after I dropped him off at home. Off to the bike shop to pick up my Pearl Isumi order. Being part of a bike club, we get a discount, so I figured this was my chance to get some nice new stuff. Two new jerseys, new shorts and tri shorts. NICE! I also bought a new bike computer with cadence and some new tires with inverted tread to go on my other road bike. The new tires will allow me to ride on the dirt roads to go visit my folks at their lake trailer this summer. Their place is only 10 or 11 miles from my house. They always want me to visit, I always want to ride my bike. Works out well this way.

Then back to the RV park to get the lawns mowed and gussy the place up for this weekend. It's opening day of fishing, and we're going to be full with over flow from the area resorts.

Urs did all the mowing today while I preped the areas by picking up pinecones and weed wacking around trees. We only finished about 1/3 of the park because we got kind of a late start today. We'll finish up tomorrow.

Still so much to do. Need to weed and bark all the flower beds... and plant flowers! Need to get the fountain at the entrance set up and running. Need to mow and spray the Nap Weed to get the County weed guy off our backs. Need to redo the second of the mens shower. Need to, need to, need to... there is always something to be done.

Home Of The Brave

It was the best of times... it was the worst of times. Have you ever heard a passage or quote that was so appropriate to your life, it was downright scary? This well known passage from the opening of the novel, A Tale Of Two Cities, really sums up our life right now.

My partner of 13 years, Ursula, and I really have everything. We have worked hard to become financially secure and we own a small business that allows us to stay home and not work too awfully hard. We are able to travel as the desire strikes us and want for nothing. It is also fairly easy for me to arrange my not so busy schedule to get in my triathlon training twice a day. Yes, it is the best of times.

Everything was perking along just as planned. I was running the business, Urs was preparing to retire in another year or two, and we were making plans to get in the motorhome and spend several months touring around the country. It was then that the worst of times fell upon us.

Ursula was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. The cancer was in both breasts, numerous places in her bones, and more importantly, in her liver. In fact, the report from her first CT scan described the liver tumors as innumerable. Her prognosis... terminal.

We never asked the doctor, but we knew that with a Stage 4 diagnosis, Urs was unlikely to be around in 18 months. By asking, and getting an answer, I think we thought that might add some finality to it... make it real. God... this can't be real, can it? How can this be happening to us? WE HAD PLANS! We had things to do! THIS... ISN"T... FAIR!!!!

What followed was months of stressful decisions. Most importantly, whether to take part in a trial of a new drug that was to be given along with the standard course of chemotherapy. That was the most important decision we ever made. While there is so much I could comment on, I'll skip right to the most important part.

It has been 27 months since Urs' diagnosis, and at this time, she has had no progression in her cancer. Many of the innumerable tumors on her liver have disappeared, and are now referred to as several.

This journey has not been an easy one. Ursula has endured chemotherapy three times a month for over two years straight! Because of her stage 4 diagnosis, unless by some miracle she goes into complete remission, she will undergo chemo for the rest of her life. I think the person that coined the phrase, the cure is worse than the disease, must have known what it was like to have poison pumped into their veins on a weekly basis. Although, it could always be so much worse. I am so thankful it's not. I would do anything to make her hard days easier. Hopefully, I do.

Training Totals - Week Ending 4/23/06

Ok, this was a taper week headed into the 5k trail run.

Swim: 3days / total: 1.68 miles
Bike: 0 days
Run: 4 days / total: 12 miles
Strength: 0 days
Core: 5 days / total: 500 sit ups

Looks like some nice days later this week. Hope to get a couple good bike rides in.

Back To Work

Ok, enough screwing around, time to seriously put my mind to getting some stuff done around the ol' rv park. Last week I installed some new windows in my Aunts mobile home and got some of the cable TV lines run to a few more RV sites.

The shower stalls in the mens bathroom need some serious help... and soon. They are made of cinderblock and have many layers of paint on them. The last layer was put there by me a couple of years ago. Now that is peeling and looking like crap. So, my goal this week is to get at least one of the shower stalls sanded down to a solid surface and recoated with a water-proof paint.

This weekend is opening day of fishing season, and we've gotten several calls for reservations. I figure I'll work on the shower room Monday - Wednesday, and spend Thursday and Friday trimming and mowing all the lawns so the place looks downright park like.

We are suppose to have really nice weather this week, so I'm looking forward to a couple of bike rides. Will also get in at least 3 days of running and two swim days. Note to self: post a message to Coach Adam on Triscoop.com and ask about training plans to go from a jogger to a runner. I think it's time to pick up my feet and start putting some effort into getting better.

Free Socks

I swear, I am SO lucky! At the race today, they drew random numbers and gave away prizes. I won socks. Smart Wool socks to be exact. I won socks last year also. I guess it's good that I've got a thing for nice socks.

What makes me Really lucky is that the gods of running races created this race just for me. Then watched over me while I ran, and made sure that my snails pace of 30:16 was good enough for second place in my age group. Now, it might have nothing to do with "gods", I'll admit it. I'm in that 40-49 age group which explains something right there. (I thank my lucky stars that I don't have to compete against those youngsters!) Most likely, the women with a reasonable amount of fitness chose to run the longer and more scenic 10k trail run. Everyone that's left, including me, is slow, chubby or both.

I went into this run wondering if I would measure up to more than I was last year, that is, would I crush my time. Isn't it all about setting a new PR? I started the race thinking so, but I finished the run knowing that my time was truly meaningless.

I ran hard. I challenged myself. I was in a beautiful enviroment... single track bordering the Spokane River. While there were times where I felt discomfort, there was nowhere else I would have rather been. I accomplished my goal of finishing strong. I was 16 seconds slower than last year... and I still came home with a little red ribbon. Motivation for another year. If the race gods are listening, thanks for the experience... and the free socks.

Measuring Up

Tomorrow is my first race of the season. Actually it's a Fun Run... a 5k. But for me, it's a race... a chance to validate all the miles I've run since last years race. My first opportunity of the year to see if I can measure up to my vision of what a runner should be... what a triathlete should be... what I never thought I could be.

I started running (jogging or slogging is probably more descriptive) just over a year ago. In January 2005, I ran my first mile. It was on my treadmill, as most of my miles have been. It was a real, no walking breaks, running mile. The first of my life.

I still remember the enormous sense of accomplishment I felt. Even though I had divorced myself from a 24 year cigarette addiction 6 months earlier, that was the moment that I finally felt truly free of it. It was then that I gave myself permission to be someone better that who I had been.

I trained 3 1/2 months for my first race. My reward was a 3rd place finish in my age group. (Yes, there were more than 3 people in my age group!) I got to stand on a podium and receive a little white ribbon. Yes, it was kind of corney, but highly motivating.

So, a year has gone by and I'm back to run the race again. Honestly, I don't need a ribbon to feel like I've won. I'm truly only racing against myself. I do have high expectations... I hope I measure up.

Workin' On It

Ok, I'm still trying to figure out all the ins and outs of this blog world. It helps that I do have a basic understanding of HTML. I published a web page 10 years ago, back when templates and pre-written code were non-existant. All the code was typed in by hand, and when something didn't work, it was a painstaking process of figuring out what you typed wrong.

There are a few things in this blog that I still need to figure out and correct. For starters, why does the post dated April 20, 2006 not have any breaks between the paragraphs? I figured I'd fix it by changing the html, but then there wasn't any in the edit template. Maybe THAT'S the problem?

The other glitch I could not solve through the html was how only some of my "Links and Blogs" are bold. Seems like a simple enough fix. Not!

Bear with me, I'll figure it out. I'll probably find several cool additions and lots of interesting links in the process. After all, this IS a process.

Type A

I used to pride myself at how easy going and laid back I was... how I never got angry & never raised my voice. There were very few things that I had formed a strong enough opinion about to get riled up over. Everything was cool. Whatever you want, makes no matter to me. I'll just come along for the ride.

I've taken plenty of personality tests, usually disguised as people management tools, during my years as a Corrections Officer and a Home Depot Manager. People were divided into 4 groups. A, B, C and D. Each with their own strengths and weaknesses. I was usually a B or C. I don't really remember which now, but I was the one who wanted to be part of the team. Group accomplishment, group failure. I felt that diversity of the group made us stronger. And because we were B's (or C's), we didn't need a defined leader. We functioned like a school of fish, moving in unison, thinking in unison... some sort of perfect zen of group interaction. Since I never had the opportunity to work exclusively with a group of B's (or C's... whatever) my fishy Zen theory may be all washed up, so to speak.

One thing that I can state as fact is that I was never an A. Never Ever! In fact, I had a secret and sometimes not so secret loathing for those Type A people. It was one of the few opinions I had formed and knew to be correct. Type A's had a whole slew of personality traits that made them impossible to work with or work for, let alone live with! "Type A is characterized by the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others." Ahh yes, those warm, fluffy Type A's. No wonder I didn't like them. They embodied everything I detested. I felt rules and policies were meant to be 'guidelines' in decision making, which is why I was constantly at odds in the black and white world of employers and co-workers.

Over the past few years, I seem to be more Type A than B, C or D. When did this happen? How could I undergo such a transformation, and just now notice? When was it decided that there was a correct way to mow the lawn? I don't know, but there is... a correct way that is... and I think I'm the only one who knows how to do it... correctly. There is also the loading of the dishwasher, the feeding of the dogs, the placement of the proper clothes items on the proper shelves in the closet and strict adhearance to all traffic laws, including the white arrows painted on the asphalt in parking lots. It all seems so...so, uhh.... black and white.

Being Needed

"Isn't it great to be so needed?" Milliseconds before my response of 'Actually, it's truly a pain in the ass' crossed my lips, my brain remembered that I was having this conversation with one of those who did the 'needing'.

I have many people in my life who 'Need Me' to varying degrees. I am obligated, being that I am a daughter, a lover, a relative. These people have all given to me over the years, and I happily give back... It just seems like life has a way of happening at the worst possible moment. The planets, the stars, the whole darn Solar System must align perfectly to allow three people to make doctors appointments, all on the same day, all within an hour of each other, but of course, in different parts of town, (not the town that I live in, I'll add) all of whom assume that I'd be happy to drive them. There is that illogical little voice inside that tries to make me feel guilty when I can't be everything to everyone, every time.

In the end, I think it only matters that I do my best and that I have no regrets. There is a weight on my shoulders, the weight of responsibility. Someday it will be gone... And I will miss it.

In The Beginning

You have to start somewhere, so this is the beginning, the first post in my blog. I've resisted becoming one of the masses, another person posting their thoughts, emotions and daily activities on the internet. I've never really understood why someone would keep a blog, and more so, do not understand why people would spend time reading the blogs of total strangers. Possibly, through my own writing, I will come to understand this better. And, as to why I am now participating in this activity... that I do understand. Patience Grasshopper. That is a topic for another day.